


Sincere For You, Here For You

by chantipede



Category: A.C.E (Beat Interactive Band)
Genre: Angst, Canon Compliant, Confessions, M/M, One Shot, Unrequited Love, but still satisfying? maybe, mentioned: junhee + feeldog
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-29
Updated: 2019-11-29
Packaged: 2021-02-26 01:08:06
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,782
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21605041
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/chantipede/pseuds/chantipede
Summary: A phonecall with little exchange makes Donghun worried.
Relationships: Kang Yuchan | Chan/Lee Donghun
Comments: 6
Kudos: 35





	Sincere For You, Here For You

**Author's Note:**

> did i make this account just to post a one shot? maybe. will i write again? Maybe. you know a UNB song? maybe.

It takes three rings and a relieved sigh for Donghun to answer his phone. His voice is muffled by the last piece of chicken stolen from Junhee. “Yuchan?”

He hears distant chatter on the other end. “Ah… hyung,” says a lowered voice, with a slight shake to the words.

Donghun continues when the voice doesn’t, “Where are you? Have you eaten?”

“I- no, I just went for a walk.”

It rings no suspicion. The youngest had walked out with a rushed claim of getting his own food when Junhee invited the two to the kitchen, as the others had clocked out early to bed after practicing new choreography together. These days, it isn’t uncommon for Yuchan to just need space.

“We left some fried rice for you in the fridge. Junhee’s already on the dishes.”

“Junhee…” he mutters, like a thought out loud. There’s a paced breathing on the other end like he’s walking around, but as the one who initiated the call, there’s so little for how much it seems he has to say.

Donghun twirls an imaginary phone chord. “It’s ok if you don’t want to come back yet.”

A hum. He can almost hear Yuchan fidgeting—which is barely unusual, the kid’s a walking battery—but to say he’s tense isn’t a stretch.

“Do you have something to tell me? Are you addicted to sniffing paint?” he slides in, “I knew Gwangsuk was a bad influence.” He chooses to joke, but… the other didn’t seem to get much sleep last night. Come to think of it, when he got up for a drink at around four in the morning, Yuchan, who usually sleeps like a rock, was startled upright in his bunk like he’d been wide awake. Donghun will get to the bottom of this.

But Yuchan laughs, as he does to just about everything. “Sure hyung, and I’m a serial killer now too. I’ll put a bullet in your head when I get back.”

“Ow. I’ll hang up and call your mom then,” Donghun threats loosely, and it’s nice to hear Yuchan for some reason, like he was scared of his own voice.

Hesitantly, Yuchan starts, “Can we really talk though? Like…” he strains into a pause, “can I meet you here? In front of the convenience store.”

Donghun infers that he called with the intention of ‘talking’, but _alone_ , as in not with Junhee in the room, no matter how preoccupied with the dishes he is. It makes Donghun a little nervous himself.

“Yeah, of course.”

The phone hangs up as he slides on some boots and a coat, as if Yuchan had no other words to fill the time.

It’s an awkward walk to the store with such unknown intentions in the air. Donghun is used to being the first person for Yuchan to confide with, and nothing about his behaviour is _really_ off. At least not at the surface. As (probably) the closest person to Yuchan right now, of course he’s Donghun’s main source of sunlight, but Yuchan knows he can slip around his oldest hyung. Donghun can tell when he’s tired versus when he’s actually feeling depressed, insecure, and all the loose problems he had with feeling like A.C.E’s fifth member.

He knows how to relieve Yuchan’s tension when his smiles run thin, be it with honest jokes or shared tears. He prides himself in that, and maybe Yuchan being just a little more hesitant, a little more quiet, more repressed than usual makes Donghun feel insecure himself, like he doesn’t know if he can be of service this time.

He makes a beeline to a familiar figure shrouded by the light of the convenience store. Like instinct, he wants to scare his maknae, but softly, through padded arms smoothing themselves around his waist from the back, as if Donghun were trying to greet him normally and can act like he didn’t know it would make Yuchan jump.

“Ah, hyung,” he whines, trying to wobble him off but instead taking them in the direction of the park, side to side to side.

Donghun eventually frees him and hooks their arms instead, like all his worries burn to dust in the presence of a star next to him. Though shy, Yuchan can accept his affections like second nature.

The two make their way under hanging plants and frost-covered street lamps and Donghun appreciates a moment of quiet serenity. He can afford to lend time to gain confidence, or even adjust to the presence of another. They circle the block in comfortable silence—as comfortable as silence can be with some untold truth hanging above one of their heads—and sometime in the middle Yuchan unhooks them and instead Donghun’s hand ends up in Yuchan’s jacket pocket. They face the street leading to the dorm when Yuchan allows his voice to exist again.

“Donghun, hyung,” and Donghun faces him from where he stands on the curb of a parking lot that evens out their heights. He lends a smile that seems to make Yuchan’s head spin even more.

Yuchan looks like he’s trying not to lie and talk about how much paint he sniffed, like he wants to tell the truth and not a joke so a lump in his throat just blocks him from either. The nervous look reminds Donghun of when seventeen-year-old Kang Yuchan cracked his cheerful persona around him for the first time, but he quickly shakes away the thought. Still, the way Yuchan’s eyes bulge and lips thin and his neck tenses forward actually makes him look younger, and Donghun wants to help his adopted younger brother.

“Yuchan,” Donghun lowers his head to look up and smooths down a lifted shoulder. “I’m here to help you. Breathe with me.”

But Yuchan inhales heavily like the statement is the opposite of helpful, like he might cry.

Donghun wants to shush him further but Yuchan opens his mouth.

“I actually,” he blinks and finally focuses on Donghun and he’s the most present he’s ever been that entire night. “I like you.” He glances once to his feet, and back up to hold his gaze because he really wants to mean it. “I’m sorry.”

Donghun swallows down a hard gasp, his body suddenly frozen.

With a fallen heart Yuchan finally breaks contact.

Donghun wants to spare a moment to save Yuchan from being eaten by the ground below them, to understand if what he heard was even in Korean, to think about what love actually means and about his parents and the whole world functioning around a word, a concept, a desire for patience and kindness and sacrifice, but instead all he can do is feel his hand fall off his friend’s shoulder.

“I,” Yuchan is his friend.

“Yuchan,” his bandmate.

“Chan, I,” his _family_.

But with how Yuchan looks to Donghun’s chest, he knows Yuchan is fighting a desire to bolt, he’s sorry for wanting more, he respects his hyung and he prepared his heart for rejection. Donghun _already knows_.

He knows Yuchan, so why can’t he figure out himself?

And that’s why Yuchan feels so sorry, so distraught by everything he couldn’t hold in and everything a single moment of sincerity has caused. But that’s where he’s just like Donghun. Without sincerity for the one he cares for the most, he’d burst.

It’s Donghun who feels the tears creep in shame for himself, for all the signs he ignored and all of his own emotions he refused to understand. “Yuchan I don’t know. I’m sorry, I love you but I don’t know how I feel about _anything_.”

It just makes Yuchan feel more sorry, and he hugs the shaking elder who’s tripping on every breath. It’s almost easier to be on the side that lets everything out. You don’t have to think about anything anymore.

“Hyung, it’s okay. I-I love you too. It’s okay.”

Donghun wonders if it’s appropriate for him to be allowed to hug Yuchan after this for his own comfort, but the comfort of the maknae’s arms have always done better than home, even if it’s usually himself wrapped around the other. It’s like Yuchan is holding together all the thoughts that threaten to break him, and he almost falls over.

“Hyung, do you want to go back?” Yuchan offers. “You can go alone…”

Trying not to move just makes Donghun shake more. “No,” he starts, “no, I… Yuchan,” Donghun sinks further into him, “please stay.”

Donghun is trying to get over the shock, not of Yuchan’s feelings, but his own. He’s the genuine type, not that he can’t lie or fool around, but he’s always in touch with his own feelings, and he’s probably the best at expressing them out of all his members. That’s why right now, he’s at a loss. Maybe he’s been repressing, maybe something about some ignored feelings for Junhee, or some other concept he’s been avoiding. For once, he doesn’t know how to respond to his own best friend. He’s so, so confused so suddenly, and it’s _terrifying_.

He hears a voice muffled into his side. He’s not sure if the outburst scared Yuchan and they’re a crying mess in the middle of the night, but he definitely doesn’t want to go home.

Yuchan gently lowers him down until he’s sitting on the curb and squats in front of him, pulling out napkins which were probably reserved for himself, and Donghun fights the embarrassment as he feels the rough fabric press gently to his cheek.

The boy just takes Donghun’s hands until he’s reduced to sniffles, cold thumbs rubbing over colder knuckles. Maybe he’s worried that he doesn’t know what to do, but Donghun is grateful he’s doing just perfectly.

He kind of wants to hug and tickle the life out of him, given the situation were even half appropriate. Still, he feels right now like he loves his maknae violently, like that’s the only thing in the world he’s sure of. Maybe he can’t reciprocate certain feelings, but if anything’s changed after these past few moments, he loves him more.

“Channie I love you.”

Yuchan knows what Donghun means and what he doesn’t, and… he laughs—and it isn’t his common pained laugh from his half-healthy habit of laughing everything off—he’s truly glad. The man he loves most in the world is so happy to be with him that he feels like he can never love Donghun too much anyway. His laugh is truly a medicine, bringing oxygen back to two pairs of starved lungs, and two hearts pounding with guilt.

“I love you too, Donghun-hyung” and Donghun knows that Yuchan’s too-easily-achieved smile is still his favourite in the world.

**Author's Note:**

> if you wanted them to end up together i can write another...  
> but this was kind of just an outlet for my own bittersweet rejections ;v; i've never really written.. fiction..... omg


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